2019 Tour to Lot et Garonne -20/23 September
 

The tourists were Rohan, Ben, Ivor, Patrick, Simon, Dave M., Dave J., Jon, Footie, Mick, Rich, Robin, Harley, Doc S., Lol.

 Given that most of our tours de France had variables to think about this one had more than most. Such as self- catering breakfasts in four separate mini-residences in Montflanquin, a swimming pool, three cars to ferry us about, and Catus being our first game on Saturday instead of Sunday. Another variable was the weather. After a long dry season where the landscape was ( in the Doc's words) 'dry as arseholes', the clouds were said to be gathering and bringing rain on Sunday, so Damazan was in doubt and Gagan's curry had been cancelled. So it was a credit to V-solidarity and the organisers that snags were few. We swam in the pool on Friday, ate pizza outside Hut 7, drank all the booze by midnight, and Mick reminded us again that he'd been coached by Everton Effin Weekes.

 The ground at Catus was lovely as ever, and Rich's warm-up beamer at Ivor proved unnecessary as their bowling was straight & fair - and boosted by the addition of Rohan and Mick who bravely volunteered to make up the Catus number to eleven. Though it might have been nice for us to have faced Mick's bowling, in the event it was Rohan who came on as fourth change in the 18th over and was kept on for 6 overs. Jon managed to run himself out in the second over with the score on 0, an early calamity, but Ivor and Robin put on 42 by the 12th over. Ivor was largely dealing in boundaries, seven of them before he miscued to square-leg for 31. The square-leg fielder, it seems, is often his nemesis.He was looking destructive and a 50 looked on the cards. Robin stuck in there for four singles, putting on a further 18 with Ben, before the Catus Ringer's self-described 'dibbly-dobblies' provoked Robin's mid-wicket catch. 12 were put on with Simon, who collected two singles before another dobbly was snicked to the keeper. Rich, coming in with the score on 80 in the 24th over, clearly didn't think much of this and biffed a meaty 4. He put on 31 with Ben who was getting much of the strike, but having added another 2 to his score hit a dobbly down the throat of long-on. At 30 over drinks it was 94-5, Ben playing well and Patrick (after deciding batting pads were preferable to keepers) picking wisely judged singles. Next over, however, saw Ben returning with a top- scoring 32 and the stumps being reassembled. Patrick's innings of 12 was a tidy affair, the highlight being a boundary shot to leg, but after he was bowled in the 33rd over it remained for Harley and Lol to add 3 each before H was run out off the last ball. As has too often been the case this season we were thankful for the high number of extras bowled - 26 - boosting us to 119-8. Rohan got 3-21, how we missed his batting!

 The Catus reply flowed like tweets from Donald Trump - they were 30 up in two overs. After a good opening over from Lol one of the openers took a sudden liking to Ivor's first over, so it was a courageous decision to bowl a second at him. Revenge came when the sixth ball was smacked down to Ben at long-off. The silence was deafening with the ball in the air, but the cheer when it was held was massive. Lol's success with a snick to Rich from the other opener improved our mood even more, and when he bagged the no.3 for a duck, caught by the Doc at short-leg there was brief hope of something remarkable taking place. It was brief, sadly for us. Catus reached 100 in the 13th over, and there were no further wickets. Two batsmen retired in their 20s before Rohan appeared at no.6, did the decent thing, and played within himself for four singles. DJ and DM bowled a couple of overs each, but Catus achieved 122 in the 14th over with a 6, which seemed fitting, somehow.

 The posh evening meal in uptown Montflanquin was a mixed affair. Rich was on form with ' There's no vegan meal that can't be improved with a slab of meat', and ' Mick's ears aren't what they used to be'. A text from home informed him that he had acquired a dog, so he told his daughter that she could clean up the crap. The chirpy waitress told us that she had two Duck breasts, and at least one of us looked like he was checking this out. Harley had to defend his throwing the bat into the crease, and remarked that his pudding looked like a fag stubbed into dogshit. Some of us shook the hand of the chef as we left. And we are looking forward to seeing Patrick's beret at the AGM.

 

The journey to Damazan was eventful. The car with the kit had a puncture en- route so that Rohan and Doc had to return to pick up DJ, Ivor and the kit. The hire car was towed away and Footie, Simon and Harley were forced to return by taxi to Montflanquin for lunch. Playing conditions at the ground were almost English - cloud, no rain - and the Vs were fielding as the cavalry arrived. 88 had been clobbered  off 10 overs, but things improved greatly when Dave M. took three wickets. Lol held an important catch to remove a rampant opener, the no.3 was bowled, and the no.4 was plumb lbw. Mid-innings the other opener was surprised by a Buzet-winning c/b by DJ, and Ben caught another beauty off Jon who bowled an economical four overs. Lol, too, was on form, and was rewarded by another two wickets, but the Damazan no.7 hit 61 to push the score to 228-7 after the 30 overs. It was nice to see us taking our catches again.

 Our reply started well with Ivor and Rohan putting on 56 in 7 overs. Evident frustration from the previous day was galvanising Rohan into some destructive hitting, and a six and six fours flowed before he was bowled in the eighth over for 36. Unfortunately there was another calamitous run-out mix-up, between Ivor and Ben this time, and Ivor sprinted off with 16 to his name, disappointment writ large. Ben and Rich looked a little rattled by this at first, but settled against some decent bowling, and put on 68 before Rich was bowled for 36 in the 22nd over. Two overs later Ben snicked one to Gagan in the slips for 25 but the getting-rate had been climbing in face of some good bowling. The magnificently moustachioed leggie ( who is normally their keeper) was turning the ball substantially, and got five wickets in five overs. In addition to Ben and Rich he sent back Mick for a duck with a Warne-like delivery ( he always gets these), likewise Robin who actually played on, and Jon was lbw for 9. Lol avoided all this, hit a four, but was then bowled for 7 by another bowler. There were some dazzling shots in our innings. Rich's off-drive was our shot of the day until his six over long-on, but this was trumped by a later mighty six to long-off off Doc's bat - a last hurrah as the V innings drew to a close. 174-8 was a creditable reply to a team who won two competitions this summer and came third in their league.

 I can say we all enjoyed the tour this year, despite the losses. A decent place to eat was found back in Montflanquin on Sunday evening, and afterwards we returned to drink and MC Doc's famous awards ceremony. First up was DJ's Buzet (from Catus) for the Catch, so we drank that. Patrick bagged Brown Ale for his pad dilemma but also Tourist of the tour, Rich and Ben shared Batsman, Lol was the Bowler, Doc's six was Champagne, and Player was Rohan. Then we drank some pink stuff from an elongated glass lady, more courtesy of Catus' Jean- Claude. Merci!  The journey back to the airport was complicated by the lack of a 3rd hire car but Sixt Car Hire provided a €350 taxi to the airport for 5 willing volunteers. A hairy journey taken at break neck pace but reunited with the rest of the touring party we said farewell to Ivor and Simon an caught the flight home.  DJ.

The bowling figures,if you must. Lol 11-1-58-4. Ben 2-0-24-0. Jon 4-1-19-1. Rich 1-0-19-0. Ivor 7-0-61-1. DM 8-0-62-3. DJ 8.5-0-72-1. Doc 2-0-17-0.